The handsome man is puzzled. There are two women and he has only one rose. The camera zooms in as he emotionally explains he has to follow his heart. Which woman will be his one and only? Which one will make him happy?
We’ve all heard those lines before: ’I just want to be happy’, ’I have to follow my heart’. The problem with these kind of comments is that expecting a lifetime of happiness is unrealistic as you can only control your circumstances to a certain point, and your heart can be a pretty confused compass at times. Happiness. It has a nice sound to it. What does it mean, though? Should it be our life goal?
People justify a lot of things with the pursuit of personal happiness. Like screwing someone over. The media goes crazy when another celebrity comes out of the closet and finds his or her happiness. The stories often focus on said person’s bravery and the congratulations pour in. What goes undocumented a lot of times, however, is the spouse whose life just fell apart. Someone’s ’happiness’ costs that of another. Before someone takes offense, let me say I understand marriage doesn’t change anyone’s orientation and the decision has been poorly made in the first place. I’m just stating these stories can be one-sided and a victorious one probably sells papers better than that of a family that feels utterly betrayed. Happiness is profitable.
What about commitment? Sure, it sounds nice as long as my partner doesn’t fail to make me happy. The pitfall of this kind of thinking is that no one will make you happy. Everyone comes to a relationship with their own imperfections and baggage -so do you. There are seasons in every marriage and that’s why we promise to love through sickness and health. Sometimes this process will make you unhappy. I find it actually comforting that I don’t always have to feel great. I just trust my vows, my spouse’s vows and God, ’who will never leave nor forsake’ us (Deut. 31:6).
Since I already brought God into the mix, let’s lose a little more street cred by talking about Jesus. The Golden Rule: ’Love your neighbor as yourself’ (Mark 12:31). People across religions have this as their mantra. Somehow, however, a lot of people have managed to focus on the latter part of the commandment: ’…as yourself’. O-oh, I’ve forgotten to love myself. Therefore I cannot love you right now, sorryyy. I think we can establish that The Bible talks more way more about self-sacrifice than self-love, you know, with Jesus dying for everyone and all. Interestingly, Isaiah 58 talks about loving the needy and oppressed as a pathway to everything good and beautiful, healing (58:8), satisfaction of needs and full bloom of one’s life (58:11). Personally, helping someone else while going through darkness in my own life has given me joy, even happiness.
If happiness is not a good goal for one’s life, what is then? For me,it is meaning. Having purpose in my life makes me happy even within terrible struggles. If I have a reason to fight for my marriage, strive in my job and go through tough times, it makes me pretty darn happy. I am a believer, that gives me more purpose than anything else. Knowing that someone’s got a hold of my life when it feels like I don’t is more satisfying than winning the lottery and a summer house with a pool in Greece.
Chasing purpose in life can create great happiness as a side product. Chasing happiness… Sounds nice but can, in the end, leave you standing alone in life with only the rose.
Mrs Hakrama 