The Church is Christ but Christ is not the Church -get it?

Hello from my long-abandoned blog!  I started studying in the Fall of 2016 and have given myself the time to focus on that.  That is not to say thoughts aren’t stirring inside my head…..

Yesterday at lunch I asked my husband: ”Do you understand what I mean when I say that the Church is Jesus but that Jesus isn’t the Church?”  He immediately knew what I mean.  On this Earth, the Church is supposed to reflect Christ but to think that the Christ is exactly like the Church is a fatal mistake.  (To clarify, when I say ’the Church’, I’m talking about the unification of all Christian churches out there.  When I say ’a church’, I’m singling one out.)

Let me explain.  When the Crusaders were killing people in God’s name, were they submitting to the will of God?  No!! How do I know this?  Because Jesus sent out Christians to the world to share the Good News -the news of His resurrection which led to the salvation of those who receive Him.  What if the people don’t believe then?  He did not say.  At no point did He tell us to finish the non-believers!!  We are to love, not to destroy.

When we mistake the Church as a perfect reflection of God in all His glory we are bound to be hugely disappointed.  I do not feel the need to sugarcoat the fact that churches are made of imperfect, flawed people -people like you and me.  I’ve seen plenty of people leave churches out of disappointment and never set foot in another.  What saddens me, though, is not them walking away from churches but walking away from God altogether.  Their bad experience of church leads them to think that all Christians are horrible and therefore God is horrible.

I get it!  I’ve walked away from churches!  I’ve cut ties with churches and been hurt by churches.  I grew up in a church and have visited many enough to know there are huge differences between doctrines and cultures.  I’m not afraid to criticize, although it seems to be a taboo in my country when it comes to the communities of people of faith.  I think it’s healthy to have problems out in the open and question things. Below, there are some major issues I’ve noticed along my journey to where I am now.

• Churches that seem shaky about salvation.  There are typically useless rules people try to follow out of this insecurity, although no one seems to know what these rules are exactly.  These churches also overemphasize the need to serve in one way or another. Once, when I was sitting in a church meeting, an image came to me.  There was someone in the water inside a lifesaver.  Nevertheless, they kept kicking and splashing like they were still drowning!  This picture spoke to me: why are we still trying to secure a salvation that has already been secured? Salvation is not rocket science: everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. -Acts 2:21.  We cannot add anything to the gift we are given, nor do we need to: He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time. 2 Tim. 1:9.  God’s plan, all along, has been to save His children and He’s not changing His mind on a whim!  Perhaps you grew up in an environment where you can’t trust anyone but God is reliable!
• Churches that measure one’s faith by their success in life.  This success could be financial or relational.  If you have a family and you have a career going for you, God loves you.  No, no and no!  Christ says: In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.  -John 16:33.  Two things we can make of this: 1) we will face trouble but also that 2) Christ has overcome the world.  Everyone suffers to certain extent in this life.  However, the same God says: Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.  -Matt. 5:4.  He knows what our lives are made of, the good and the bad, but He is our comfort.
• Churches that worship outside God.  I can’t think of a better way to put this but let me explain.  I’m referring to things we make to be of great importance and that distract us from what really matters: God Himself.  We worry about worship music, websites, smoke machines and being ’relevant’ in our time and age.  We want to be bigger and better.  I still cringe at Hillsong worship songs.  Not that there’s anything wrong with Hillsong but there was a time and place where this music seemed to be a demigod and saying I don’t care for it was sin.  I’ve also seen Christian movies I didn’t like one bit and saying so caused a lot of stir since a community had already concluded these things were holy and untouchable!
• Churches that pay very little attention to healing.  Christ says: The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free -Luke 4:18.  In Psalm 147:3 it is also proclaimed of God: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  Jesus was very concerned with the hurting, broken and sick.  He healed many and approached those other people wouldn’t touch with a stick, which earned Him plenty of criticism.  Why don’t churches think healing is important?  I suspect it is thought that finding salvation is a magic fix to our brokenness.  However, we are still real people with real needs.  I find myself discouraged by churches that never discuss tough subjects.  They push hurting people to the sidelines and think ”problem solved” when they set up groups for this or that problem.  Out of sight, out of mind!  This sends a message to hurting people that they are irrelevant, they are the problem that needs to be tossed aside and that Sunday meetings are for the normal, healthy people with less embarrassing problems!

I could probably go on all night.  I’ve been around the block once or twice!  What is a good church then?  In my view, one that focuses on what the Bible says and strives to be Christ-like.  I really don’t think it’s more complicated than that!  I think problems arise when churches aren’t open to change and evolve and sweep their issues under the rug.  This wouldn’t be healthy in a relationship and it’s not healthy in a church!  Just as there are, or at least should be, deal-breakers in a relationship, there are deal-breakers in churches.  The above-mentioned do it for me.

Friend, if you’ve walked away from church in the past, that doesn’t need to be the end of the road for you!  After my disappointment, I was happy to find a church where Christ was preached, the hurting were being healed and I felt great freedom in -a church that felt like home!  It is not perfect, since there’s no such thing, but for me it’s close enough.  We moved further away, unfortunately, but it gives me great hope to see such churches exist!  I am by no means saying all the others are bad but I think we all deserve to find a church that we are comfortable in.

Above all, I hope your disappointment with church doesn’t lead you think God is useless as well.  I went through some tough time disconnecting God from my bad experiences with church but I ended up in a place where I found greater freedom in my relationship with Him and I learned to think for myself.  Staying in a church I didn’t feel right about could’ve stalled this growth.

Hope these words can give you comfort and a brighter outlook: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, ”plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  -Jer. 29:11

Halfway around the world and back to home

I saw the movie Brooklyn last night and it gave me all the feels.  I’m a huge fan of Nick Hornby -as an author as well as a screenwriter.  I’ve devoured all of his books I could get my hands on and I thought An Education was a fantastic, thoughtprovoking film, so I was eager to see his latest work.  And it delivered.

Furthermore, as someone who has moved from one city to another more times than I care to count and lived abroad in several places, I can relate to feeling out of place and alone, just as the main character in the movie who moves from Ireland to the U.S. in hopes of a better life.

Winding back to 2004, I was a freshly minted high school graduate, desperate to see past the outlines of my little town.  I signed up as an Au Pair, a live-in nanny, in the U.S.  Flying on an airplane for the very first time, I struggled to find my seat and was excited to hear American English live.  My first impression of Americans was that they are friendly and helpful with anything I would need.  However, the homesickness didn’t take very long to find me during my initial orientation and I found myself sobbing in the corridors of the hotel -much like the main character Eilis.  The first weeks weren’t very different and on lonely moments I contemplated packing my bags again.  Somehow I managed to comfort myself, thinking that being there was a once in a lifetime opportunity not to be wasted.

Funny how a place grows on you!  On returning home, I once again felt out of place, misunderstood and somewhat lonely with my gloomy emotions.  I had started a new life across the ocean, bonded with new friends, found my favorite coffee places and had more freedom than living with my parents would provide.  I was struggling with my native language, forgetting to roll my r’s, giving our non-automatic car the hiccups and daydreaming about returning to my new normal.  I’d met a boy prior to leaving USA and I thought I was missing him when, come to think of it, I was probably missing everything without really understanding it.  Meeting with him again several years later, I realized it was really not about him that I was crying at the airport again.

It took me several years to recover and settle into my home country again.  Forming close friendships, finding a spiritual home and activities I’m passionate about helped me navigate my way.  I was quite happy.  I realized it is not only the place that home is made of.  Home really is where the heart is and my heart is with the people I love and who love me.  Troubles in life made it all the more clear that I needed a soft place to fall on.  In some ways, I actually became afraid of leaving.  Upon returning to Ireland due to a tragedy in the family, Eilis is also tempted to stay in the comfort of her homeland.  However, life has a tendency to throw surprises our way…..

I’d first met my husband in 2007, when I was visiting Amsterdam with a friend who introduced me to him.  We struck a friendship and kept contact for a while.  I visited again the following year but things never developed into a romantic direction.  We got along and there were some sparks but the timing always seemed off.  It wasn’t until late 2014, after he paid a long over-due visit, that we contemplated a closer relationship.

Fast forward to the Autumn of 2015, I found myself living in Albania with my new husband.  I’m not going to lie: a new marriage and a new country was a lot to take in.  This was the second time I felt gripping homesickness.  In a strange country, without friends or much-needed language skills, all I could think of was home.  Looking back now, after we’ve been back in Finland for more than six months, I’m grateful to have seen where my husband is from and to have spent some time with his very loving family.

My husband, just like me, is a wandering soul.  He has lived in Greece (which we absolutely love!), Spain and The Netherlands, and does not really have a place to call home.  That doesn’t stop him from feeling homesick in a country that is in many ways different from anything he has experienced.  Luckily, I can relate to his frustrations.  We are two peas in a pod.  Just like Eilis and her Italian significant other Tony, we are most at home with each other -even halfway around the world.

 I can see us living abroad in the future again.  I look forward to finding a place we both feel comfortable in and growing some roots.  Should we ever have children, they might grow up in very different surroundings than we now have.  They will likely  speak several languages, possibly one of them being the native language of neither of us.  Like their parents, they will grow up to find that home is where the heart is.

The Holy Grail of happiness

The handsome man is puzzled.  There are two women and he has only one rose.  The camera zooms in as he emotionally explains he has to follow his heart.  Which woman will be his one and only?  Which one will make him happy?

We’ve all heard those lines before: ’I just want to be happy’, ’I have to follow my heart’.  The problem with these kind of comments is that expecting a lifetime of happiness is unrealistic as you can only control your circumstances to a certain point, and your heart can be a pretty confused compass at times.  Happiness.  It has a nice sound to it.  What does it mean, though?  Should it be our life goal?

People justify a lot of things with the pursuit of personal happiness.  Like screwing someone over.  The media goes crazy when another celebrity comes out of the closet and finds his or her happiness.  The stories often focus on said person’s bravery and the congratulations pour in.  What goes undocumented a lot of times, however, is the spouse whose life just fell apart.  Someone’s ’happiness’ costs that of another.  Before someone takes offense, let me say I understand marriage doesn’t change anyone’s orientation and the decision has been poorly made in the first place.  I’m just stating these stories can be one-sided and a victorious one probably sells papers better than that of a family that feels utterly betrayed.  Happiness is profitable.

What about commitment?  Sure, it sounds nice as long as my partner doesn’t fail to make me happy.  The pitfall of this kind of thinking is that no one will make you happy.  Everyone comes to a relationship with their own imperfections and baggage -so do you.  There are seasons in every marriage and that’s why we promise to love through sickness and health.  Sometimes this process will make you unhappy.  I find it actually comforting that I don’t always have to feel great.  I just trust my vows, my spouse’s vows and God, ’who will never leave nor forsake’ us (Deut. 31:6).

Since I already brought God into the mix, let’s lose a little more street cred by talking about Jesus.  The Golden Rule: ’Love your neighbor as yourself’ (Mark 12:31).  People across religions have this as their mantra.  Somehow, however, a lot of people have managed to focus on the latter part of the commandment: ’…as yourself’.  O-oh, I’ve forgotten to love myself.  Therefore I cannot love you right now, sorryyy.  I think we can establish that The Bible talks more way more about self-sacrifice than self-love, you know, with Jesus dying for everyone and all.  Interestingly, Isaiah 58 talks about loving the needy and oppressed as a pathway to everything good and beautiful, healing (58:8), satisfaction of needs and full bloom of one’s life (58:11).  Personally, helping someone else while going through darkness in my own life has given me joy, even happiness.

If happiness is not a good goal for one’s life, what is then?  For me,it is meaning.  Having purpose in my life makes me happy even within terrible struggles.  If I have a reason to fight for my marriage, strive in my job and go through tough times, it makes me pretty darn happy.  I am a believer, that gives me more purpose than anything else.  Knowing that someone’s got a hold of my life when it feels like I don’t is more satisfying than winning the lottery and a summer house with a pool in Greece.

Chasing purpose in life can create great happiness as a side product.  Chasing happiness… Sounds nice but can, in the end, leave you standing alone in life with only the rose.

What’s been going down

Previously, in the lives of the Hakramas….

I have been unemployed for a very long time.  I first resigned in August because of my then fiancé not being able to legally work in Finland.  After we married, we moved to his native country Albania in hopes of living off our savings for a while while we wait for his residence permit.  Fast forward to now, he is now legal, studying Finnish in order to then study something else.  I, on the other hand, am still unoccupied, as this town is a dead zone in regards of, well, jobs in any field I have experience in.  As for my mental state, I’m somewhere between watching Jimmy Fallon all day long and clinical depression.

Some happy news, however, (still not pregnant, sorry relatives) we have an apartment for the summer, woohoo!!  This is only the third time I move out of my parents’ house (eheh), so, it’s a big deal.

Equally exciting to me: I finally finished my application for my Master’s and now have to suffer until July to find out what our Autumn will look like.  I’m not going to lie, I really, really, really hope I can finish my studies and score a job I always wanted.

Finally, we are going out on a much needed date tonight!!  Right now this means as much as anything mentioned above.  Before we married, my husband said we need to keep dating during our marriage and now I can see he was absolutely right.  Why?  Because it’s so easy to get caught up in the daily hassle of bills, budgeting, paper work and who should do the dishes.  I can’t even imagine what adding kids to the equation does to romance -parents probably think I shouldn’t even be talking about this.  However, anyone can struggle with the loss of romance in their relationship.  So, tonight, we are going to eat food I didn’t cook and not talk about tax reports and dentist bills, yay.

So, small victories, I guess.  We are taking baby steps towards a so-called normal life where both my husband and I have a daily routine.  It’s sometimes incredibly frustrating but I can see we have come so far and I look forward to us having a home and the kind of life we planned for.

Do you see yourself?

I recently spent some time with my nieces, 1 and 3 years old.  I got to be Cinderella, bathe ponies and take the older one to her very first pedicure.  Little girls’ world -it amazes me.  It is lovely to see, how much they enjoy everything girly, with no reservations whatsoever.  Moreover, it is wonderful to observe how much they enjoy being themselves with no trace of shame or hesitation.  They love being princesses, accept admiration and compliments without objections, fully acknowledging their own worth and beauty.  I hope they never lose this sense of their own loveliness.

I once saw a little girl, one or two years old, completely lose it over her own reflection in the mirror.  She was smiling, giggling and dancing.  When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror and went: ’Whoa, I’m so beautiful!’?  When did you last accept a compliment and really believed it?  Does it make you uncomfortable when a prospective employer asks you to list your strengths and do you kind of feel like you were being dishonest when you do?  Me too.  Where (and when) does the good go when it comes to self-esteem?

I go to the mirror to see if that nasty zit is still on my forehead or in hopes of seeing flatter, more defined abs after gym.  I want to see if I can escape the hairdresser for another month.  I go to the mirror with a makeup brush in order to cover up my flaws.  I can’t remember a time I looked at myself in order to admire what I’m seeing.  Even the idea sounds like something silly I read in a self-help book!

What about my character and my talents?  I’m hopelessly insecure.  I’m supposed to write my own recommendation letter to a University where I’m applying for Master’s studies.  I keep re-writing, editing and re-editing.  I don’t seem to be able to finish.  I think instead of what I’ve accomplished they’ll be able to find the few typos in my text and the shortcomings of my previous accomplishments.  It’s horror sometimes, putting yourself on the line, whether it’s for a job, study place or a person.  I’m a little bit embarrassed to admit just how many people I’ve let mistreat me in the belief that I have to prove myself be worthy of their time, before I burned myself out.  Pretending to be something I’m not and desperately trying to hide my flaws is taxing.  Yet, I ended up marrying someone who saw me at my worst and still wanted me.  Go figure.

I can be painfully realistic about my shortcomings but why am I so slow to really own my strengths -realistically.  Do I really see myself?  All of me, not just the bad, ugly and insufficient?  Do you see yourself the way you should?

I would like to do an exercise where I have to stand in front of a mirror until I’ve come up with 10 positive traits every day for a week.  I bet I could begin to see myself differently.  Of course I won’t do this because it’s self-help nonsense.

The origins of obsession & favorites of winter skin care

Everyone who knows me super well knows that I am obsessed with cosmetics, especially skin care.  What many people wouldn’t guess, though, is that I used to have a very nasty case of acne that wouldn’t heal without heavy medication.  If you’ve been through the same, you are familiar with the pain and frustration that comes with trying to find a cure. Perhaps, like me, you kept taking antibiotics again and again, just to have the problem return within weeks after the last pill.  Eventually, I was prescribed isotretionin, which cleared my skin completely.  What a joy!  I know the drug is somewhat controversial and I would advise anyone to think carefully before taking it but I also know that it changed things for me in a huge way.

My skin has been quite good since.  Not perfect but good enough.  I have learned a lot about the triggers for fits of zits.  I’ve realized how harmful sugar is and how beneficial eating greens and fruit is.  Furthermore, I’ve found the benefits of natural skin care and really think my skin is much clearer without all the weird synthetic things in ’regular’ products.

The first thing to know about organic products is that not everything that’s labeled ’natural’ is as good as gold.  Without eco certification (signified as ’eco cert’ label on the package), you really cannot be sure unless you’ve educated yourself on the mysterious ingredients on the inc list.  Secondly, there are big differences between different lines, just as in regular products.  Best skin care is not necessarily super pricey.

I’ve found that my skin in my thirties is way dryer than in my twenties.  Winters, in particular, are harsh on my skin.  After some experimenting, I’ve found a few favorites, completely organic, listed below.

1. Coconut oil (Puhdistamo, 200 ml, 5,95€).  This product has been very trendy for a couple years now and for a reason: you can use it from head to toe, to treat you hair, your skin and to relieve itching.  I love natural oils in general and also mix them with creams and lotions when my skin needs an extra boost of moisture.  This brand has a nice, mild scent, so it’s good for cooking as well.
2. Mádara Pihlaja Daily Defence multifunctional cream, 60 ml, 14,80€.  Mádara is one of my favorite skin care lines and I can’t imagine living through a Finnish winter without this cream that protects my face from the cold and other weather hazards.  Moreover, it is not very expensive and can be used elsewhere in body, such as dry hands.
3. Hurraw! Lip Balm in Chai Spice flavor, 4.3 g, 6 €.  This lip balm worked better than it’s doubly priced equivalent from another brand.  It’s creamy, effective and comes in yummy, fun flavors such as that of my favorite winter beverage, chai latte.  My lips this winter were a disaster before this.
4. Urtekram Aloe Vera Renewing Body Lotion, 245 ml, 7,90€.  I think this product was even cheaper than the listed price when I got it from Prisma.  For this price range, I think this lotion does a great job!  Aloe vera is wonderful for dry, itchy skin.  The scent is also pleasant, not disturbingly strong.  I also like the line’s unscented lotion.

Hope these tips help you also through the remaining weeks (hopefully not months) of winter 🙂  Have a great week!

The waiting room blues

I gave my husband six pills of cortison today.  He doesn’t show signs of any weirdness, so I decided to write about our messed-up week.

It all started with a cat scratch.  At least that’s what we think.  His hand swelled up, formed weird spots and itched like hell.  One specialist, two other doctors and three different diagnoses later, and a couple hundred euros poorer, we ended up with the prescription of heavy medication. Here’s a tip: if a cat scratches you, take a bottle of whiskey and pour it over the boo boo.  Don’t.  Let.  It.  Be.

It seems that one of the diagnoses was right, though.  Dear scabies, you’re a bitch.  Sorry for destroying you with chemicals after you made such a comfy home in our bodies.  Here’s another tip for you: don’t shake hands if you hear rumors of a scabies epidemic happening in your city.  Definitely do not hug.  If you do, you might find yourself with strange sensations that keep you up at night and make it necessary to do laundry until eternity, it seems.  So, I had my share of the fun too.  And my weekend plans went down the drain because scabies, my friend, makes you like a leper to other people (no offense taken).  And never mind the reduced itching in his body, my husband’s hand was still a mess in the morning after the treatment.

Sickness, never mind how small, doesn’t agree with the Hakramas.  I like to google a lot and my paranoid husband likes to take extra pills ’just in case’.  I like problem solving and probably should’ve been a doctor.  Except that bodily fluids make me barf and taking responsibility over someone’s life freaks me out.  I am useful for my man, however, since he needs someone to stop him from tripling his dosage of prescription strength drugs to speed things up.  He also needs someone to hold his hand if someone tries to put a needle on him, which, thankfully, didn’t happen this time.

I guess marriage really is for sickness and health.  If a nasty rash can make us fight like little kids, I don’t want to think what something life-threatening would do.  My heart goes out to anyone who ever has to go through that.  The frustration that builds up when nothing seems to be making someone you love feel better is heart-wrenching.  Sitting at waiting rooms can make you feel like you might be losing your mind.  At the same time, you want to be strong when your significant other cannot.  In the end, you realize how much love you have for someone, when the worry makes you sick to your stomach.  I suppose that realization is the best thing to come out of a crappy situation.

Here’s to a better next week and nights of undisturbed sleep!  Here’s to my man’s hand looking less like a battle ground and more like, well, normal tomorrow.

Finland, the promised land of useless bureaucracy

It’s been an emotional couple of weeks.  The arrival of my husband’s residence permit was a huge weight off our shoulders but little did we know that another struggle was ahead of us.

Mr. Hakrama previously lived in Amsterdam, where the residence permit opens doors to pretty much anything you need.  In Finland, it’s another story.  Why?  Because this country seems to love pointless bureaucracy and non-sense rules.  I often say they don’t see the woods from the trees in my country and it’s proven right when it comes to dealing with offices.

Getting my man registered was easy peasy, not to mention fast, but anything that follows that is sloooow.  We are trying to attain social benefits for him, such as public health care and unemployment pay.  I tried to call the office to see how our application is going but I never get through for some reason.  To take care of things online you need codes for online banking, which leads us to the next topic at hand….

Opening a bank account for a foreigner in this country is a PAIN.  We went to three different banks before we were able to set anything in motion.  At the first bank they complained his ID is not Finnish and they cannot verify it to be legal.  Alright.  Our next target was a (seemingly) more international bank but they couldn’t give us an appointment until next week because ’the person who speaks English is available then’.  We were also told (or I was told because, of course, she would only speak Finnish) that mr. Hakrama ’might get a card’ but getting a contract for online banking could be iffy (my words). Cheers.

Finally we visited my bank in hopes of getting advice and they were willing to open an account right away!  The girl was friendly, spoke English and explained everything well.  Under certain conditions we will also be able to get a card and have a contract for online banking in the future -good enough! Goo OP bank!!

It’s not great when your husband tells you he wants to leave your country after just one month.  It’s also not so great when you kind of agree.  I have often complained about my own struggles to him and now he’s experiencing it first-hand.

Whether it’s the unemployment office, social security or banking, I feel like in Finland you have to know all the itty bitty rules and be able to pull the right strings to get what you need.  A lot of times, even the employees of these offices don’t know the rules, which makes the process so fun.  I might not support bribery but I can understand where it starts…

Honesty is a virtue but Finnish people often follow rules ’just because’.  We don’t cross the road when the light is red, even when there’s no cars to be seen.  We bow down to officials even when we think they are wrong and unjust.  We complain at online forums or Facebook instead of opening our mouths where the offense happened.

I used to get annoyed when people would cut the line in Albania.  They might not always follow the rules in the South but they can stand up for themselves!  You don’t mess with them!  They know how to bullshit but they can also call yours.  Thanks to my no-non-sense Southern man, I’m also learning to make demands instead of crying afterwards.  Maybe next time I won’t let other people pee on my turn.

Approaching Shu shu shu shu shu shu Sugar Town.

I’ve been (mostly) abstaining from sugar since early January.  After an out-of-control streak with cakes, chocolates and other Christmas goodies over the holidays, I made the fatal mistake of signing up my husband for the job of sugar police.  I knew he would be good at it since he, unlike emotional wrecks like myself, is mostly rational and can control himself (what’s that like, right??).  Therefore, I thought he could also spare some common sense for me on my moments of weakness.

The first week flew by with no trouble whatsoever.  I actually noticed my mood swings were noticeably absent and rejoiced over being in control over my emotions -a victory for any woman.  After that it has been tough.  I do not wake up in cold sweats but let’s just say sugar is on my mind for the better half of, well, almost every day.  I crave e-code-filled unnaturally colored candy, warm cinnamon buns and juicy donuts.

What has come out of this trial then?  Well, for one, I realize how crazy it is to be so hooked on sugar.  How is it even possible that it takes over my mind like this?

Secondly, and as a possible explanation to the formerly mentioned, I’ve noticed how many things actually contain sugar, from chicken marinades and seasoning sauces to drinks and breakfast cereals, you name it.  Moreover, the sugar content is insane!!  No wonder we are so addicted, my sweet-toothed friends.

As for my plan from now on, after a heated conversation with my better half, I will definitely work on cutting down my sugar intake by lots.  I do enjoy not being tired all the time and not having to wonder what’s going on with my mind (well, at least I can rule out one thing).  I will stop stealing my husband’s candy after finishing mine.  I will try to read labels better and look for more natural alternatives.

But first, I will have a donut with caramel topping and cream-filling.

10 things I miss from Albania

It’s been a little over a month since we returned to Finland from our Albanian adventure. We moved there right after our wedding and the application for my husband’s residence permit (the process is done, by the way, but they wouldn’t share their decision with us over the phone and all we can do is wait).  We returned to Finland after three months because of various difficult circumstances, although we had planned to stay longer. Despite the shortness of the time, I did become more closely familiar with my husband’s country and learned to appreciate many things there.

Unlike in Albania, the weather outside is frightful in my home country at -21 °C (around -6 °F).  Although we have nowhere to be and drinking tea in my pajamas listening to Billie Holiday isn’t too terrible, after a while, the great indoors gets a little bit boring.  The pleasant weather is definitely one of the things we both miss from Albania.  Below, there’s other things I look back to with warm, fuzzy feelings.

1. Our Albanian family.  I got super lucky, when I married into a Southern family: I’ve been showered with love, attention, kisses, hugs and gifts from day one.  These people, including my mother-in-law (who resides in Greece), my husband’s aunts, sisters and other relatives, show us so much unconditional love, it warms my heart every day.
2. The general kindness and hospitality of people.  I like how eager people are to help, even when it’s not really their job to provide me with what I need.  I also love it how they randomly strike up a conversation with strangers with no discomfort whatsoever, perhaps because they are very community-minded.  Albania also isn’t a huge tourist attraction yet, so, people are generally very happy to welcome foreigners.
3. The cheap food and drinks, both at restaurants and supermarkets.  Going for coffee with one euro in your pocket is unimaginable in Finland.  Albanian products are the cheapest in stores, import products more costly, but the general price level is inexpensive.  We also enjoyed the cheap, fresh bread to the fullest (which shows on my waist).
4. The beach, about 600 feet from where we were staying.  And the majestic sunsets.
5. Super cheap mani-pedis, hair dressers, beauty treatments… Such a luxury!!  You can easily get your hair dyed and cut for the bargain price of (drumroll) 20 €.
6. Animals everywhere!  Of course some of the stray animals are in bad shape, which is hard to look at.  However, many have been sort of adopted by business owners who keep feeding them and and a kitten throwing itself down at your feet at the electronics store is not unusual at all.  I also liked feeding cats and dogs leftover food at restaurant terraces.
7. The market places where you can find anything from used quality shoes to yummy giant olives and fresh cut flowers.
8. The amazing fruit.  We were over the moon for the juicy pomegranates and tasty oranges.  Even better: everything is bio.  No bs chemicals added.
9. Insanely cheap sneakers.  Kind of a random observation but let’s just say new Nikes for the price of two movie tickets had me smiling for a very. long. time.
10. The frankness of people.  I like not having to apologize for every damn thing, getting to accept a favor or a gift with a simple ’thank you’ and being able to say what I mean.  In Finland, I feel like I have to be indirect about everything, which is sometimes very draining.  If you need something, ask, don’t beat around the bush.  After my experience of the South, I know how to stand up for myself a little more.

At a market place in Tirane

Waiting for the bus with a pineapple

Little kittens in the centre of Durrës being fed fresh veal

Just one of the many gorgeous sunsets

Shell collecting at the beach