I saw the movie Brooklyn last night and it gave me all the feels. I’m a huge fan of Nick Hornby -as an author as well as a screenwriter. I’ve devoured all of his books I could get my hands on and I thought An Education was a fantastic, thoughtprovoking film, so I was eager to see his latest work. And it delivered.
Furthermore, as someone who has moved from one city to another more times than I care to count and lived abroad in several places, I can relate to feeling out of place and alone, just as the main character in the movie who moves from Ireland to the U.S. in hopes of a better life.
Winding back to 2004, I was a freshly minted high school graduate, desperate to see past the outlines of my little town. I signed up as an Au Pair, a live-in nanny, in the U.S. Flying on an airplane for the very first time, I struggled to find my seat and was excited to hear American English live. My first impression of Americans was that they are friendly and helpful with anything I would need. However, the homesickness didn’t take very long to find me during my initial orientation and I found myself sobbing in the corridors of the hotel -much like the main character Eilis. The first weeks weren’t very different and on lonely moments I contemplated packing my bags again. Somehow I managed to comfort myself, thinking that being there was a once in a lifetime opportunity not to be wasted.
Funny how a place grows on you! On returning home, I once again felt out of place, misunderstood and somewhat lonely with my gloomy emotions. I had started a new life across the ocean, bonded with new friends, found my favorite coffee places and had more freedom than living with my parents would provide. I was struggling with my native language, forgetting to roll my r’s, giving our non-automatic car the hiccups and daydreaming about returning to my new normal. I’d met a boy prior to leaving USA and I thought I was missing him when, come to think of it, I was probably missing everything without really understanding it. Meeting with him again several years later, I realized it was really not about him that I was crying at the airport again.
It took me several years to recover and settle into my home country again. Forming close friendships, finding a spiritual home and activities I’m passionate about helped me navigate my way. I was quite happy. I realized it is not only the place that home is made of. Home really is where the heart is and my heart is with the people I love and who love me. Troubles in life made it all the more clear that I needed a soft place to fall on. In some ways, I actually became afraid of leaving. Upon returning to Ireland due to a tragedy in the family, Eilis is also tempted to stay in the comfort of her homeland. However, life has a tendency to throw surprises our way…..
I’d first met my husband in 2007, when I was visiting Amsterdam with a friend who introduced me to him. We struck a friendship and kept contact for a while. I visited again the following year but things never developed into a romantic direction. We got along and there were some sparks but the timing always seemed off. It wasn’t until late 2014, after he paid a long over-due visit, that we contemplated a closer relationship.
Fast forward to the Autumn of 2015, I found myself living in Albania with my new husband. I’m not going to lie: a new marriage and a new country was a lot to take in. This was the second time I felt gripping homesickness. In a strange country, without friends or much-needed language skills, all I could think of was home. Looking back now, after we’ve been back in Finland for more than six months, I’m grateful to have seen where my husband is from and to have spent some time with his very loving family.
My husband, just like me, is a wandering soul. He has lived in Greece (which we absolutely love!), Spain and The Netherlands, and does not really have a place to call home. That doesn’t stop him from feeling homesick in a country that is in many ways different from anything he has experienced. Luckily, I can relate to his frustrations. We are two peas in a pod. Just like Eilis and her Italian significant other Tony, we are most at home with each other -even halfway around the world.
I can see us living abroad in the future again. I look forward to finding a place we both feel comfortable in and growing some roots. Should we ever have children, they might grow up in very different surroundings than we now have. They will likely speak several languages, possibly one of them being the native language of neither of us. Like their parents, they will grow up to find that home is where the heart is.
Mrs Hakrama 